Zuriel Merek entered the Catholic Church at the 2012 Easter Vigil, went home, and cried. It wasn’t joy. He felt nothing at all. A pastor’s kid who started doubting God in second grade and grew up thinking the Pope might be the antichrist, Zuriel spent years as an agnostic touring with rock bands for $50 a show. Then he walked up to a priest in Arlington and admitted he wasn’t Catholic, wasn’t even really Christian, and needed answers.

Paul Kolker, Nick Bezner, and Jeff Schiefelbein sit down with Zuriel at the Tiny Table to talk about choosing faith when the feelings never show up. He also shares the moment a drawing from St. John of the Cross finally convinced him he wasn’t defective.

He’s also one of the most unusual musicians you’ll ever hear. Zuriel is an electric violinist who builds whole songs live with a loop pedal, and he’s so convincing that audiences pull out Shazam mid-set. That craft turns out to be a surprising window into the spiritual life, because when you loop, every mistake plays back to you over and over. Zuriel talks about scrupulosity, the courage to perform imperfectly, and why a quiet faith doesn’t make anyone a second-class citizen in the Kingdom of God. Meanwhile, the BeatiDudes make the case that the Church is the ultimate looper and confession is how you break the loop. If God has ever felt silent to you, start here.

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