In this episode of Good Habits, Fr Toby and Fr John explore the secret to true friendships, what it really means to love someone and why forgiveness is essential to any lasting relationship.

Topics covered in this episode are: forgiveness, friendship, Christian love, charity, virtue ethics, Thomas Aquinas, Aristotle, relationships, healing, resentment, grace and spiritual growth.

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Drawing on the Christian tradition and the philosophy of thinkers like Thomas Aquinas and Aristotle, Fr John and Fr Toby unpack the deeper meaning of love. True love is the desire for the good of the other and real friendship is rooted in willing what is best for another person - even when they have hurt us.

They also examine the Christian understanding of charity, the highest form of love, which calls us to love not only our friends but even our enemies. They tackle common misconceptions about forgiveness, exploring how forgiveness does not mean pretending that nothing happened or avoiding justice. Instead, it means honestly acknowledging the wrong and still choosing to love.

What the Church teaches about Forgiveness
'Christian prayer extends to the forgiveness of enemies, transfiguring the disciple by configuring him to his Master. Forgiveness is a high-point of Christian prayer; only hearts attuned to God’s compassion can receive the gift of prayer. Forgiveness also bears witness that, in our world, love is stronger than sin. The martyrs of yesterday and today bear this witness to Jesus. Forgiveness is the fundamental condition of the reconciliation of the children of God with their Father and of men with one another.' CCC 2844

The Church teaches that forgiveness is a gift of God’s grace and an essential part of the Christian life. Rooted in the teachings of Jesus Christ, we are called to forgive others as God has forgiven us, especially through the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. Forgiveness does not mean denying justice or excusing wrongdoing but rather choosing to will the good of another person and releasing resentment, even when emotional healing takes time. The Church teaches that forgiveness is necessary for receiving God’s mercy, as expressed in the Lord’s Prayer and is deeply connected to love, charity and reconciliation. Through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we can experience God’s forgiveness in a personal and transformative way. Ultimately, forgiveness emphasises mercy, healing, and restoring right relationship with God and neighbour, making it central to Christian moral and spiritual life.

What the Church teaches about Friendship with God
'God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life. For this reason, at every time and in every place, God draws close to man. He calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all his strength.' CCC 1

'The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for.' CCC 27

Chapters
0:00 Intro
0:49 What is love?
3:55 CS Lewis on the Four Loves
5:20 Love as Friendship with God
6:44 Aquinas & Aristotle on Friendship
11:57 Can we be friends with God?
16:00 How should we love our friends?
17:40 God's love transforms all our loves
20:30 How to forgive
25:51 How you have loved